I’ve been writing about intimacy in the context of Eros and Essence. If we define Eros as sexuality/sensuality and we define essence as original nature or spirit, then intimacy is what connects the senses and spirit. One of the 7 principles of intimacy, ( see previous newsletters), authenticity, develops after trust, honesty, and vulnerability. In order to be authentic, you need to be able to trust, be honest and be vulnerable.
When you are being authentic every word, feeling and deed are aligned. Authenticity is demonstrating your original nature. Eastern philosophies teach that our authentic self is one with the energy of the universe. There is a piece of the energy of the universe, called kundalini lying dormant at the base of the spine. The idea is to raise the kundalini up along the spine through seven energy centers until it merges with the universe. merging with the universe is enlightenment. Orgasm is one way the kundalini rises.
The energy centers along the spine are called chakras. The chakras are archetypes of levels of consciousness. There are seven of them located at different places along the spine. Briefly, the lower three are based on the perinium, the pelvis, and the belly. These centers are about survival, sex and power, and the separate will. The upper three chakras are the throat, forehead, and a point about 6 inches above your head.
At the center of the chakra system, the 4th chakra, is the heart. It bridges the upper and lower chakras. Opening the heart chakra paves the way to merging with universal energy. The heart chakra is where eros and essence meet. Energetically, intimacy does a dance between the 3rd and 4th chakras. You need to suspend your personal will (3rd chakra) to open the 4th chakra (heart center). And that means letting go of control (3rd), which without trust, vulnerability, honesty and authenticity can be difficult to achieve.
A Breathing Exercise for raising kundalini
One goal of this newsletter is to make readers aware that we are energy beings. Using the energy for healing, even sexual healing (thank you, Marvin Gaye), expands the perception of who we are. You begin to touch people at subtler energy levels. It makes you more sensitive to their energy. It increases your ability to read people. That’s how energy healers heal. Moving kundalini or chi or prana (other names for the energy) is the basis of Eastern healing modalities like Acupuncture, Tai Chi, or Chi Gung
By directing energy, you can enter orgasmic states non-sexually. I’m convinced that one of the reasons people enter ecstatic states during love making is because of the way they breathe. Yogis have long used breath control to achieve bliss or nirvana. Anyone who’s ever done any kind of breath work knows what I’m talking about. The rhythmical open mouth in and out of the upper chest simulates the rapid panting of orgasm. The kind of breathing found in the” AH breath”, described below, stimulates the vagus nerve which is located approximately at the base of the skull. Stimulating the vagus nerve activates the parasympathetic nervous system which has a restorative, relaxing function. Vagus nerve activation spreads a warm happy feeling throughout the body, plus it stimulates the sex organs. Practicing the AH breath may seem strange at first, but it paves the way to what a friend of mine described as “over the top” orgasms.
To begin with, both partners should be naked and reclining comfortably, either in bed or on cozy cushions, or the floor – but comfort is the key. One partner is the breather, and the other partner is the watcher. The breather lies on their back, while the watcher should be in a position where they can watch the rise and fall of their partner’s belly. One suggestion is to lie on their side with their head propped on their elbow. Another suggestion is to lie against a bolster or a bunch of pillows. Again, comfort is the key.
When both partners are comfortable, the breather begins to breathe. Their eyes are closed, hands are at their sides, and they just breathe. The watcher pays attention to the rise and fall of their partner’s chest. They pay close attention to the rate and rhythm of their partner’s breathing. Gradually, the breather mirrors their partner’s breathing so that now they are breathing in synchronization. Generally, during this phase, the breather’s breath changes, becoming deeper and more relaxed. Only when the watcher is certain that they’re breathing in sync with their partner, do they begin to emit an AH on each exhale. The AH matches the duration, and rhythm of their partner’s breath.
I’m not sure why magic happens, but magic does happen. The kundalini energy expands. It’s palpable. There’s a feeling of “being breathed through,” as wave after wave of ecstasy washes through your body. It is having an orgasm without sex. It’s as though your whole body is now an erogenous zone.
Try the AH breath. Do it with someone with whom you’re intimate. Make sure that there’s trust, honesty, vulnerability and authenticity. It might surprise you that you can meld with the universe and each other. It increases your sensitivity to other people and enhances intimacy.